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25 July 2011 @ 08:43 pm
Fanfic: Decision  
Title: Decision
Fandom: Queer as Folk
Rating: PG
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Five years post-513
Summary: 'Justin wishes that for once, something between himself and Brian could be easy, but it's like the universe has decreed that they should fight tooth and nail to get what they want...''
Notes: This was done ages and ages ago. But I wanted it longer--to be multi-chapter, even--and so I kept working at trying to attach more so that I could get where I wanted. Then I realized that it was finished, deleted everything else I had written, and decided to let it stand alone. If I want to add more on, I'll write a bunch of sequels, and it can be a series.


---

 

“I'll have the grilled sirloin—without the potatoes—and the citrus salad.”

 

Brian hands the waiter his menu with barely a glance and turns to look at Justin, who is trying to make a flash decision; unlike his partner, who has rules about what he eats when, Justin is generally open for anything when they go out to dinner. This makes decisions much harder for the latter, and he usually ends up in this same situation.

 

“Um...I guess I'll have the smoked salmon and um...whatever the soup special is.”

 

He looks up at the waiter, who is smiling down at him in the manner of an adult indulging a child. He's handsome, and Justin wonders if Brian has already thought about fucking him. He probably has.

 

“How would your like steak cooked?” the waiter asks, turning back to Brian.

 

“Medium-rare.”

 

The two men watch the waiter walk away.

 

“You know,” Justin says. “You shouldn't eat uncooked meat. There's all kinds of diseases that you could get from it.”

 

Brian rolls his eyes. “I'm so glad you decided to tell me, since obviously I was unable to read the notice at the bottom of the menu.”

 

It's like a ritual, this dinner. Justin remembers the first show he had in New York; He had been a nervous wreck when Brian flew into the city from Pittsburgh, took Justin shopping for a new designer outfit and to an expensive restaurant. It was the first time they had done anything so closely resembling a date, and when Justin brought it up, the older man just shrugged and ate his food. He ordered a bottle of wine, kept refilling his partner's glass, and by the time they left, Justin was feeling no pain.

 

Every show opening since, Brian has taken Justin out on a 'date', and Justin can't help but wonder if Brian does it so that he had some incentive to keep moving forward in his career. It certainly hadn't hurt. He just wishes that this occasion weren't so tense as it is tonight.

 

“So,” Brian finally says. “When were you thinking about moving back?”

 

“Just after the show.”

 

“You certainly don't waste any time.”

 

Justin feels his temper flare. “What does that mean?”

 

“Nothing,” Brian says. “It's a little sudden, is all.”

 

“We've been talking about this for years,” Justin says, trying to keep his voice down.

 

“In non-committal, 'well, someday' terms.”

 

“Listen, if you don't want me there—“

 

“That's not what I said.”

 

“It's what you've been implying,” Justin snaps. “All night. And to think I had thought you'd be happy to hear that I want to be with you. And not in a long-distance, make-it-work-somehow sort of way.”

 

Brian reaches across the table and takes Justin's hand, holding his fingers lightly. Justin considers snatching it away, and decides not to. It's better not to get into a huge argument in the middle of the restaurant, and there's no reason to provoke Brian's anger if they can resolve this easily enough. He watches Brian run a thumb over his fingers. Justin wishes that for once, something between himself and Brian could be easy, but it's like the universe has decreed that they should fight tooth and nail to get what they want.

 

“I don't want you sacrificing your career for me,” Brian finally says in a quiet voice.

 

I'm not sacrificing anything,” Justin says. “I'm at a point where people can come to me if they want something. I have an agent. I don't have to be in New York to paint.”

 

“Your life here—“

 

“Is pathetic. I spend half my free time plotting ways to see you, and the other half thinking about how much I miss you. I have sort-of friends who, while they enjoy going out to clubs or bars with me, wouldn't really miss me if I left. And I don't know about you, but I'm tired of fucking tricks and temporary boyfriends more often than I even see your face.”

 

They are silent for a moment as their food is brought to the table, and Justin picks up his spoon. He ended up with Italian wedding soup, and he pushes around the pasta balls and considers changing his order. As if he needs the waiter to think any less of him.

 

“I do want you to live with me,” Brian says, and Justin looks up at him. “I just want to know that you're sure about this decision.”

 

“I'm sure.”

 

Brian eats his salad slowly. “I shouldn't have ordered this,” he says. “It's killing my taste buds.”

 

“You wanna trade?” Justin asks.

 

Brian considers for a moment, then picks up his salad and offers it to Justin, who takes it and puts his soup in front of Brian. When the waiter returns to deliver their entrees, he looks back and forth between them accusingly. They look back at him, daring him to say anything.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Brian watches as Justin smiles at some patron, gives polite answers, then rolls his eyes when the man leaves. He knows that the blonde hates feeling fake, but has learned that sometimes it's best to smile and nod in order to get somewhere in the world.

 

With some horror, he starts to wonder whether he'd been living vicariously through Justin. It'd been Brian's dream to live in here, to be rich and successful and loved by the New York scene; Justin has that, and Brian thinks maybe he'd wanted Justin to stay because it was what Brian couldn't have. Even if Kinnetik could survive the move to the city, his life had somehow become inextricably tied to Pittsburgh.

 

As he moves over to Justin and wraps his arms around his chest from behind, he tells himself it's time to let go of his ambitions for Justin. It's like Hollywood all over again; If it were me, I'd never come back.

 

...Justin's not you.

 

Justin relaxes into his arms and turns his head to look up at Brian. Brian gives him a soft kiss on his temple and smiles at him. The tension from earlier is starting to fade, and he knows that Justin can feel him starting to accept his decision, because there's the fucking bright smile spreading over his face.

 

Brian lets go of Justin long enough to grab two glasses of champagne from a circling waiter. He hands one to Justin, and takes a cautious sip of his own; the last thing he wants is to end up with a stomachache because he can't hold his bubbly like he can his beam.

 

“So?” Justin asks. “What do you think?”

 

“You know I love your work.”

 

“Did you see the one I did of you?”

 

Brian frowns slightly. “You did one of me?”

 

Justin takes his hand and leads him across the gallery, to the other side of a wall in the center of the room. The painting of Brian is big; it's painted in warm colors, like that of an orange sunset coming through the huge windows in the loft. He's completely nude, lounging on the couch with a cigarette in one hand and the other arm over the back of his head. It's obvious from his posture and mussed hair that they'd just gotten done fucking. Brian raises his an eyebrow.

 

“Wow.”

 

Justin laughs. “Yeah, that seems to be most people's reactions. I know it's a really big departure from my normal work, but...well.”

 

Brian stares at the painting for another few moments. “You said you wanted to do something with those Munich sketches you did a few years ago.”

 

Justin grins at him. “I was wondering if you would recognize the influence.”

 

A few years earlier, Justin had made a trip to Munich alone in the dead of winter, and come back with sketchbooks full of art he had seen. There was a particular Hellenistic statue from the Glypothek that filled up entire pages. Justin had told him that he had wanted desperately to touch the sculpture, but had to settle for drawing it instead, then he said that he thought about doing a work that was loosely based on it. Brian had thought that the artist had forgotten about the ambition, and maybe he had for a time. Looking at the posture, soaking in the sexuality of the work, he recognizes the inspiration, although he doesn't think anyone else would unless they were told ahead of time.

 

“I was thinking that I could hang it in my studio when I move back.”

 

“What, where no one will see it?” Brian says jokingly.

 

“Mm,” Justin says. “It's going to become one of those 'lost pieces of art.' That is, until a distant family member decides to reveal it after my death. I was worried that it might be too sexual, but it occurred to me that it's been nearly ten years since I last displayed a piece with you in it.”

 

Brian laughed. “Yeah. For all the drawings you've done of my dick, the only other one you've shown was that one during the GLC show when you were seventeen.”

 

A critic chooses that moment to come up to them.

 

“Justin,” she says, placing a hand on his arm. “What luck, I wanted to ask you about this painting. For an artist who's so well known for his abstract and impressionistic...”

 

Brian wanders off, leaving his partner to chat with the critic and look around on his own. The portrait is very different than most of the other pieces. Most either a exhibit vague sense of a familiar scene or are a flurry of colors meant to convey an emotion. He wonders whether Justin had to fight with his agent to get the portrait in the show, since it so obviously didn't fit with the others. He wonders how it will be reviewed.

 

He's standing in front of a dark painting, still holding his half-glass of champagne, when Justin comes up next to him and slips an arm around his waist.

 

“Are you ready to go?” he asks.

 

“Are you allowed?” Brian responds.

 

Justin leans up to kiss him. “Come on, let's leave.”

 ---

**The mentioned statue is the Barberini Faun.


---
 
 
 
anno53 on July 26th, 2011 03:47 am (UTC)
Brian, I think, has always longed for NYC, but I'm glad he has recognized this. I wish I could really see Justin's painting ... it sounds fantastic.
MissTeacakes: amazingmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 01:23 pm (UTC)
I'm sure the two of them end up in NY, or at least spending as much time as they can there; they're the type of people that need drama in their lives, and Pittsburg just doesn't seem to be able to give them that.

Maybe if I'm feeling particularly ambitious, I'll attempt to draw Brian sometime. (My specialty really seems to lie in women...)
(Deleted comment)
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you picked up on that one. And thank you for the comment!
lazy_8s: jawlinelazy_8s on July 26th, 2011 04:02 am (UTC)

Excellent fic! I loved Brian's realization, as Justin once more lays it all on the line for him. :)
MissTeacakes: three-o-eightmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 04:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you! One of the things to love about Justin, I think, is how much he's willing to risk--far more than I would, that's for sure.
(Deleted comment)
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 03:59 pm (UTC)
I'm glad it does. Thanks for the comment
jizabel91jizabel91 on July 26th, 2011 08:15 am (UTC)
Great work!!!! I like the way Brian accepted Justins decision to come back!!!! I really hope there will be a sequel.
MissTeacakes: dancemissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 01:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, don't worry, there'll be a sequel. We can't make this easy on them, can we?
Rena: Brian & Justin Blissrainbow1907 on July 26th, 2011 09:33 am (UTC)
A wonderful little story, perfect and complete just as it is :) I liked how Brian came to the realisation that maybe he had projected some of his own longing to live in New York on Justin... Many thanks, Rena :)
MissTeacakes: three-o-eightmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 01:34 pm (UTC)
It's hard to remember sometimes not to overwork things. And I think Brian projects a surprising amount. He just needs to be reminded sometimes not to.
Pam81: B/J I will always love youpam81 on July 26th, 2011 09:34 am (UTC)
This was really beautiful! Loved it.
Thanks =)
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
Yvonne Reidyvonnereid on July 26th, 2011 12:27 pm (UTC)
I loved reading this story alot hon,I need more!
Huge Hugs xxx
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on July 26th, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks! And don't worry, you'll get more
shenova: The Kissshenova on July 26th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
Brian wated NY and Justin went instead to have his dream and now he has he wants to start to create a more permanent life with Brian. Brian got it in the end. Loved it.
sjmpetssjmpets on July 28th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
hopefully there will be more.
brian's facing his lifelong dream of wanting to be in ny but not being able. at least he's honest with himself.
time for the next phase of their lives.
6frog on August 19th, 2011 12:34 am (UTC)
So glad he's going home to Brian. Love the fact that you've got this here.

Love from 6frog ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥