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12 January 2012 @ 06:41 pm
Fanfic: Crisis  
Title: Crisis
Fandom: Queer as Folk
Rating: PG
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post-513
Summary: "...there are worse ways he could be reaffirming his youth"
Notes: Pure silliness. I daydream about Brian doing random, manly things. Things where he'd get sweaty and disheveled, and don't necessarily involve sex.

---

In retrospect, Justin thought he should have seen this coming. Not the specific event, that would have been almost impossible, but at least something of the sort.

It had been a while, though, since Brian had shown any signs of self-doubt regarding his age. The two of them had a comfortable life; they lived in Britin, kept the loft and an apartment in New York for Justin's work, and were often traveling for either Kinnetik or Justin's show openings. They were heading quickly toward monogamy, and despite Brian's predictions, their life together was anything but boring.

But just as quickly as they headed toward a monogamous relationship, they were heading for Brian's fortieth birthday. He would be over-the-hill by heterosexual standards, and of course he would panic at the thought of that.

What made Justin even more angry at himself was that there were hints of it for a while beforehand. When younger men would come up and talk with Justin, who had no qualms flirting right back, Brian would just watch quietly, and give his partner a funny look when Justin eventually turned the trick down. Justin was nearly the age Brian himself had been when they met, and at that age Brian wouldn't have even glanced at a man about to hit forty.

They didn't make an big deal of Brian's birthday. Ted had mentioned that Brian's employees had wanted to throw a party at the office, but had been threatened with immediate unemployment if they so much as mentioned the date, and few were willing to push it with him. Justin did have a painting he'd been working on for a while mailed Kinnetik, and from what he heard Brian had taken it but thrown the message he had written with it out. The blonde had had a feeling that would happen, and so hadn't written anything more important than a simple “happy birthday.”

The day passed without much other incident. Justin felt secure in his feeling that Brian had passed the landmark date unscathed.

~ ~ ~

It was a couple weeks later that the hole in the backyard appeared. Justin was heading around toward the side of the pool when his foot caught in it and he fell with an “oomph.” He lifted himself up and tested his footing, and limped back to the house. Luckily he had only twisted it, and he took his partner out back to see.

“Do you think an animal dug it?” Justin asked, kneeling to look in.

“Well, if so, I'm sure you'll find out fast enough, sticking your face in its home,” Brian grumbled. “I'll call the exterminators.”

Justin sat back on his heels, looking at Brian in horror. “You can't, they'll kill it! What if it has babies? You'll be murdering an entire family!”

Brian rolled his eyes, then crouched and looked in. “It's not a home. Not yet, anyway. Look, it's not that deep, and therefore no animal things in there. We can just have it filled in, it'll be fine.”

Justin looked suspicious for a moment, but then figured he was right. He made a note to have their yard service take care of it during their weekly rounds. When he came back the next day to make sure nothing was moving in, it was even deeper, but still no signs of a nest. He put his hand in the hole to feel around, and came back with a hand full of mud. He dropped it back into the hole and pulled out his phone.

“I think we have a leak in our pipes,” he told Brian.

“I don't know about you, but my pipes are working just fine.” Brian was obviously distracted by his work.

“No, I mean in the yard. That hole back there is awful wet. What if the septic tank is overflowing—you've seen those commercials, where people come and have their entire yard dug up, and their basement floods and—“

“Christ, Sunshine, don't be such a drama queen.” He could almost hear Brian rolling his eyes. “We don't even have a septic tank.”

“That doesn't mean that we don't have a water pipe with a hole.” Justin bit his lip. “Should I call a plumber?”

“What for?”

“We need to dig up that pipe and find the hole.”

“I'm not going to pay a fortune for someone to come in and do something that I can manage myself.”

Justin frowned. “What do you mean? Brian, do you have any idea how hard it is to dig a hole deep enough on your own?”

He never got an answer.

~ ~ ~

“Brian, you don't have to do this. We can hire someone to do it for you.” It was his last-ditch attempt to just get Brian to let him call a plumber.

“I'm not so old that I need to pay for others to do everything for me.”

Justin watched as Brian dug the shovel into the ground around the hole. He had spent the last three days attempting to convince the older man that he shouldn't do this work himself, but it only seemed to strengthen Brian's resolve.

“Why are you insisting on this?” he had asked. He knew already, but somehow he thought that if he got Brian to say it, it would make it clear how ridiculous he was being.

“Because I want to.”

“You hate doing manual labor like this.”

I'm not some fat, middle-aged yuppie, working in his cubicle every day, coming home to his little wife and refusing to do anything that takes the slightest effort,” he had snapped.

No. You are the owner of an extremely successful business, who comes home to have hot, passionate sex with his partner, and who can afford to have other people do the work for him.”

“Just because I'm a fag doesn't mean—“

“Okay, I get it.”

With that he had stormed off, and Brian made a trip to a hardware store to buy a shovel. Now, Justin stood to the side while Brian started working. Maybe it was better to just let Brian get it out of his system, see how hard it was to do. Tomorrow, he would give up, and they could call someone to do it for them.

Except that wasn't how it Brian worked. Justin spent the entire weekend sitting inside his studio staring at a blank canvas, thinking how his partner was outside digging up a broken sewage pipe, hoping to prove that he was still young and able-bodied. Justin hoped that this wasn't the beginning of a midlife crisis. On Monday, when Brian called in to the office so that he could stay home and keep working, Justin decided to have another talk with him.

He went out back and halted when he saw the size of the hole in the yard. In spite of his frustration, he was actually quite impressed with Brian's digging capabilities. And when Brian stood up, dirty and sweaty, Justin rethought stopping him. At least for now.

~ ~ ~

What's he doing?” Michael looked confusedly out the window at Brian.

“Having a midlife crisis,” Justin said. “He needs everyone to know how young and manly he is.”

“Why aren't you stopping him?”

“I'm letting him get it out of his system.”

“Uh-huh,” Ted said, not looking away from where Brian was still digging. “And the additional benefits have nothing to do with it.”

Michael looked around Justin at Ted and Emmett, then back at the Justin. “I can't believe you're just letting them stand here and ogle your boyfriend.”

Justin shrugged. “It's not as if any of you are on his 'would-fuck' list.”

“Oh God, look at that,” Ted muttered.

Justin looked back out to see Brian wiping the sweaty hair off his forehead. He smiled at the dirty wife beater and unbuttoned jeans; if Brian didn't want everyone staring at him, he shouldn't be looking like a porn star. Brian looked directly in the window at them, and raised his eyebrows. Justin waved sheepishly. It wasn't as if he had invited the three over for the purpose of watching him—quite the opposite, actually, he had hoped that they would help talk to him—but it was hard to stop from doing so.

“Why aren't we out there helping him?” Emmett asked.

“Because that would just be encouraging him,” Justin said.

And this isn't?” Ted said.

“You two are like...multimillionaires,” Michael said. “Why don't you just hire someone?”

“That's why I asked,” Justin said. “He said that he wasn't going to pay for something he could take care of himself. You know what he's like when you try to tell him that he can't do something. And besides, there are worse ways he could be reaffirming his youth.”

~ ~ ~

It became a battle of wills between them. Brian's pride wouldn't allow him to stop once he'd started, and Justin willed him to realize that it was futile; after all, on the off-chance that he actually found the hole, he couldn't do about it much without the plumber.

It took nearly a week for Justin to lose his temper.

On the sixth night, Brian entered the bedroom smelling of soap and collapsed into bed. Justin, feeling particularly horny, started leaving a trail of kisses on his partner's chest, only to look up and find the older man had fallen asleep. It was the second night this had happened, and the hell if he was going to go to bed without sex again. With a yell of frustration, the blond grabbed a pillow and pelted Brian as hard as he could over the head.

“Jesus!” Brian said, waking suddenly. “What the fuck's up with you?” Without waiting for an answer, he rolled over to go back to sleep.

“Fuck you!” Justin snapped. “Wake up! Wake up right now and fuck me, or I swear I'm going to the plumber first thing in the morning!”

Brian rolled over and looked sleepily at him. “You realize that this borders on non-consensual, right?”

“I don't care! I want your dick up my ass! Now!”

After a moment of blinking blankly at him, Brian rolled over and went right back to sleep, leaving Justin sitting there with his mouth hanging stupidly open in shock.

The next morning he called their local plumber.

~ ~ ~

“Did you seriously do all this by hand?”

Justin looked out across the lawn, which was a ripped up mess, but nevertheless had at least a yard and a half of exposed pipe. He then turned to look back at Brian, who shrugged at the guy who'd come to look at their sewage pipes. The plumber wore an expression which was a combination of impressed, amused, and exasperated.

He then took a cable with a camera on the end, opened a grate toward the back of the property, and began lowering the cable in. He found the hole in half and hour, and had it repaired by the end of the day.

The reaction of their lawn service was much less enthusiastic than that of the plumber, especially considering they were the ones who had to fix the damage. When Justin told this to Brian, Brian said, “Fuck you. It's my fucking yard, and I can do what I want to it. I don't know why they're complaining, since I'm the one that's paying the fucking bill, anyway.”

Everyone made a silent agreement to a six-month grace period before they teased Brian for it. After that, all bets were off. No one would ever mention that, during that week, Brian had looked every bit the sexual fantasy they had all had at some point in their lives; just because Brian would never live it down didn't mean that the rest of them wouldn't either.

Brian and Justin agreed, though, that there were some things that should never be spoken of again. Namely, The Night Brian Was Too Tired For Sex.



---

 
 
Current Music: Rufus Wainwright - Between My Legs
 
 
 
Daphneduffy_60 on January 12th, 2012 11:57 pm (UTC)
LOL!
No, never let it be knows that one Brian Kinney was too tired for schmex!
:-))
MissTeacakes: amazingmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:18 pm (UTC)
Brian's nothing if not sex-machine, right?

Thanks for the comment!
aaa_mazingaaa_mazing on January 13th, 2012 12:38 am (UTC)
I loved it then, and I love it now. The last sentence turned out to be all you needed.

Need a kick? Any time. I'm always here for you.

Great story! Thanks for sharing!
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC)
I didn't even intend on adding as much as I did, either! Well, it worked out well, didn't it?

What can I say? I work better when I have someone actually waiting on me.
(no subject) - aaa_mazing on January 13th, 2012 02:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
sjmpetssjmpets on January 13th, 2012 02:32 am (UTC)
Couldn't help but laugh through this.
Brian getting down and dirty with a shovel and the guys watching him from the window fantasizing about him. But the best was Justin demanding sex and Brian too tited.
This was cleverly written. Great job.
MissTeacakes: showermissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:22 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you like it!
kmboatrightkmboatright on January 13th, 2012 04:55 am (UTC)
Love the image of Brian all sweaty, and I can totally see the others standing and ogling him from the house, amazing Sex God that he is.
LOVE the last two lines.
MissTeacakes: amazingmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:17 pm (UTC)
I think we all like the image of Brian all sweaty XD And I'm glad I managed to pick the right last two lines. Thank!
itzy68itzy68 on January 13th, 2012 06:33 am (UTC)
Hilarious :D
MissTeacakes: amazingmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the comment!
piksa: brian_justin_starepiksa on January 13th, 2012 06:43 am (UTC)
LMAO! This was a nice little ficlet. Thanks for sharing it with us!
MissTeacakes: showermissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:25 pm (UTC)
You're welcome!
bksbraceletbksbracelet on January 13th, 2012 10:49 am (UTC)
Apart from the obvious lovelyness of this fic I liked the Michael element. His "what's he doing" with a perplexed frown and the "arn't you millionaires" made me laugh along with Justin's :it's not as if you are on his fuck list!!!" so funny
MissTeacakes: showermissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:24 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it, especially consider that I don't use secondary characters nearly enough.
kachelofenkachelofen on January 13th, 2012 12:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, this has made my day! You should write more. Or should I say: someone should give you a kick more often? :-) Loved it.
MissTeacakes: three-o-eightmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:12 pm (UTC)
It makes me so happy when people say that I've made their day. And yeah, I totally work better under pressure.
predec2predec2 on January 13th, 2012 01:16 pm (UTC)
Very cute! I could so see Brian doing that to 'prove' himself! Adorable - loved it.:)
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, Brian tends to get some some strange ideas when his self-image is in question.

Thanks!
ebo_loves_bkebo_loves_bk on January 13th, 2012 01:18 pm (UTC)
this was lovely and funny, I liked it a lot :)
MissTeacakes: amazingmissteacakes on January 13th, 2012 02:26 pm (UTC)
I'm glad! And thanks for the comment!
lazy_8s: dimlazy_8s on January 13th, 2012 03:59 pm (UTC)
OMG, this was awesome! Any fic that ends with the phrase, "The Night Brian Was Too Tired For Sex" has to read repeatedly. :)

Edited at 2012-01-13 03:59 pm (UTC)
MissTeacakes: pythonmissteacakes on January 14th, 2012 03:22 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so flattered that you think that it's worth re-reading!
darla_isabelledarla_isabelle on January 13th, 2012 04:33 pm (UTC)

That was fun, thank you for sharing!

MissTeacakes: Let's have funmissteacakes on January 14th, 2012 03:21 am (UTC)
You're welcome!
galehot: WTF?galehot on January 13th, 2012 10:33 pm (UTC)
*LOL* Loved it!

Of course it's a typical middle-age-crisis for Brian Kinney!!

Thanks!
MissTeacakes: brianjustinmissteacakes on January 14th, 2012 03:21 am (UTC)
Yeah, I thought he'd have some over-the-top, almost unrealistic midlife crisis. And, of course, get through it just fine in the end.
Set your mind at rest and let your dreams run freemoonbrightnites on January 14th, 2012 01:31 am (UTC)
I loved this, it was hilarious, I laughed through the entire story!

You really have these characters down and I enjoyed that what seemed like a set-up leading towards angst was leading us into hilarity instead!

I can totally see Brian fixating on this project and being unwilling to admit defeat even while looking at the wreckage of his yard.

Brian rolled over and looked sleepily at him. “You realize that this borders on non-consensual, right?”
LOL, so great!! ♥

MissTeacakes: Let's have funmissteacakes on January 14th, 2012 03:19 am (UTC)
I'm glad it made you laugh. One of the things I particularly like about QAF, especially seasons 1 & 2, is how they take something potentially tragic and make us laugh. And y'know, as a fandom we have so many brilliant authors of the angst genre, I felt maybe I should try to even it out.

And, when has Brian ever truly admitted to not being able to do something?
Pam81pam81 on January 16th, 2012 05:50 pm (UTC)
This was … brilliant! Original and funny. Loved it. Thanks ♥
MissTeacakes: sexmissteacakes on January 16th, 2012 07:17 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks! And to think it all came about because I was grumbling about yard work, myself, at the time (Hauling dirt. Bleh.)

Cheers!