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15 March 2010 @ 06:50 pm
Fanfic: The Absence of Fear, ch 4  
Title: The Absence of Fear
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG (includes a little violence)
Pairing: eventual Remus/Sirius
Summary: Part four: in which James needs to convince his friends of a wonderful plan, and Remus decides he's lost his mind and learns a bit about Sirius' home life.

 

For being such a bright person, Sirius did a very large number of very stupid things, whether from a lack of forethought or disregard for consequences. Which made for an interesting argument when he had to be talked into something. Admittedly, James understood the why of Transfiguration much better than Sirius, who simply knew the how. But what Sirius understood was Dark magic and creatures, and as fun as “dangerous” sounded, “uncursed” sounded much more so.

 

“It'll be fine,” James was saying. “We can't be hurt if we're not human—well, I mean, we can be hurt, but being bitten won't make us...you know...”

 

“We'll have human minds,” Sirius said. “That's close enough.”

 

“No, it isn't,” James said. “We'll be physically animals, but mentally—“

 

“'Mentally' equates into 'brain,' and 'brain' is part of 'physically.'”

 

“I think Sirius is right,” Peter said, hunched up.
 

“No, he's not. You have to be at least seventy-five percent human to be affected,” James said, sounding exasperated. “A fully transformed animagus is only about twenty percent.”

 

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “This feels like a really, really stupid idea.”

 

“Oh, come on,” James said. “Since when do you get scared when something's a little dangerous? Besides, Remus needs us. Unless you think it's too hard, of course.”

 

Sirius flinched. James knew him too well; his best friend had hit the three weak spots—his courage, his brains, and a friend in need of saving. It was working, too.

 

“Alright, how about this,” Sirius said. “We'll ask Remus, and if he says it's okay, then we'll do it.”

 

James grinned. “Alright. But just wait, he'll say yes.”

 

~*~

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

“But Remus—“

 

“No.”

 

“It'll be fine,” Peter said.

 

Sirius, who had been smirking in triumph, whipped his head around to look at the little traitor. The shorter boy shrank away, then drew himself up. Sirius looked back at Remus, who was looking at his friends with a tight jaw and crossed arms.

 

It's not like we'll be affected if you bite us,” James said, giving his best 'oh, come on' look.

 

That's not the point,” Remus said. “One, it is illegal become animagi without Ministry approval. Two, it's insane to be trying to become animagi with only about a year and a half of school. And three, it doesn't matter if you're human or not—I tear myself up during full moons, so what's to stop me from killing you?”

 

I've thought about all that,” Peter said. “I mean, I don't want to get killed, but if we're really careful...”

 

“Careful?” Remus said flatly.

 

“We'll be really, really thorough when it we're working to become animagi,” Peter said. “We'll do everything that needs to be done so that it goes right—more, if necessary—and if it turns out that none of us are big or strong enough to handle you, the whole thing is off.”

 

“How do you know whether you'll be big or strong enough to handle me?”

 

“We won't,” Sirius said.

 

Well, no,” James conceded. “But you will.”

 

Remus rubbed his eyes tiredly. Sirius knew it as a sign that he was beginning to crumble. He had to admit that the other two had a good idea of how to work everything. Remus looked up, directly into Sirius' eyes.

 

“I want your word,” he said. “No rushing, shortcuts, or skipping steps. Promise me.”

 

What Sirius wanted to say was, I wasn't the one who thought this was a good idea in the first place, but instead he just said, “No rushing, shortcuts, or skipping steps.”

 

“I've lost my mind,” Remus sighed. “I've gone completely mad. Round the twist. Off my rocker. Gone screwy. Completely b—“

 

“Remus!” James laughed. “It's alright. You've just spent a reasonable amount of time with me, is all.”

 

“And see what it's done to my logic.”

 

~*~

 

Remus gave a sigh and rolled onto his side in his bed. Due to certain extenuating circumstances involving moon phases, he'd missed the train home. He supposed he could have asked to traveled a different way, but didn't feel too strongly about needing to be home for Christmas. Sirius had also stayed, saying that his extended family usually compelled him toward committing multiple homicide, but the dorm was still oddly quiet at night; Peter had a tendency to snore, and James mumbled in his sleep, but Sirius was a silent sleeper.

 

It was cold tonight, cold enough that it was felt even with the fireplace. Remus drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his hands around his freezing toes, hoping to warm them up. He had just closed his eyes and was about to try to get some sleep again when he heard footsteps and the brush of his bed curtains. He opened his eyes as Sirius made his way under his blankets.

 

“Budge up,” the darker boy whispered.

 

“Sirius...what...?”

 

“It's fuckin' freezing, and I promise it'll be a lot warmer with both of us.”

 

Remus tensed up awkwardly, but moved over anyway.

 

“Is this...okay?” he asked.

 

“Is what okay?”

 

“Y'know...a couple boys sharing a bed like this. It's not a little...strange?”

 

Sirius laughed quietly. “Oh, don't worry. My brother and I did this all the time.”

 

Did?”

 

“Well, we haven't needed to in a while, but yeah.” Sirius' eyes glittered in the darkness. “The Christmas before last we lost all the heat in our house—it's the one problem with living in the city, is that we rely on Muggle gas lines—and we were all walking around the house wrapped up in cloaks and blankets for days until it was fixed. Reg and I shared a bed every night cause it was so much warmer that way.”

 

“I can see that you have a very comfortable relationship with your brother.”

 

“Nah, we just don't get bothered seeing each others bits and stuff. It's not like every boy doesn't have them. Besides, sharing a bed doesn't really threaten your sexuality, does it?”

 

Remus considered this for a moment. “You just lack proper Protestant modesty is all.”

 

“Prote-what?”

 

Remus shook his head. “Never mind.” After a few moments of silence, he said, “I kinda wish I had a brother. It sounds nice.”

 

“Not really,” Sirius said, laughing again. “For all the times you can't live without one another, there are about three or four that you can't stand being in the same room.”

 

Unsure of what to say, Remus rolled onto his back and stared up at the canopy of his bed. Sirius was right, it was much warmer with both of them—the kind of toasty warm that made Remus happiest to wake up with. He wondered when the last time he'd slept next to another person was. He had to have been only four or so, having woken from some nightmare or another to crawl in with his parents. And yet, from the way Sirius spoke, it was a perfectly ordinary thing, at least with his brother. And he was right, it wasn't as if it was threatening his sexuality.

 

Still, he whispered, “Hey, this is between you and me, right? Sharing a bed, that is. I mean, we don't really need to tell James or Peter about this.”

 

“Whatever makes you comfortable,” came the quiet reply.


Part Five


Notes:
Okay, a note that I forgot to add last chapter: it's become a bit of canon-fanon that Remus is covered with scars, but it never once says this in the books; admittedly, we never see him without his shirt, but he does roll up his sleeves a couple times, and it's the type of thing that Harry would take note of. The only "canon" that brings up the issue is the movies, and I don't accept King Einon David Thewlis. So I decided that to leave all the scarring out.

Once again, playing around with Sirius' character, with the whole "who says Sirius was initially willing to become an animagus?" It is also my experience that people tend to make him and James equal in everything, and they probably weren't. Yay for hypothetics!

 



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(Deleted comment)
MissTeacakes: fingerlockmissteacakes on March 16th, 2010 02:23 am (UTC)
I would be a liar if I said I hadn't indulged in a little Blackcest, because I have, but I have to be in a bit of a strange mood if it comes to Regulus/Sirius. ('cause when I'm in the mood for perverse fascination, I go all the way >.< ) I think the sort of "comfortable" relationship I've got between the Black boys is may have been an unconscious mixture of my own lack of caring when it comes to sharing beds and an almost-jealousy of people/cultures that have no problem with nudity. On the other hand, I wanted that sort of physical closeness between Remus and Sirius to develop early.

In conclusion...read into how you will. (Let your little slash-happy mind run free!)

P.S. Sorry for the super-long reply >.
nathcoelho: crying shinobunathcoelho on March 16th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC)
i think some of his wounds healed pretty well..
O_o
anyway
i liked this chapter
xD
so cute those two in the bed..
and... poor sirius and regulus.. its a broken brother relationship!
livinglibrarieslivinglibraries on March 16th, 2010 10:33 am (UTC)
CUUUTTTEEE I love them sharing a bed! I see your point about James and Sirius not being the same but in my head it's Sirius who is willing to do this crazy/dangerous stuff to rebel/annoy his family/show off etc and James-stable family life-Potter who would need to be convinced that doing something illegal is a good idea. I love having fanon views upended though so yay! Sorry for the super long sentence btw!
MissTeacakes: mystifymissteacakes on March 16th, 2010 12:57 pm (UTC)
For the most part I do make Sirius all gung-ho for it, but this story has a lot of me messing around with common fanon. (I try to use some logic though, so don't worry...)