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21 November 2010 @ 12:22 pm
Talk about procrastination, I have two papers and the introduction to a third due tomorrow. I've done research for one, have to edit the second, and haven't even thought of a subject for the third.

Honestly, I think it's sort of bullshit to make us work so much for Ancient Philosophy, anyway; half of us are history majors with minors in Classical Studies, have never written a philosophy paper in our lives, and quite honestly don't want to spend our lives thinking in the manner of philosophers. That's why we study history, so that we work on fact, not fucking theory. Never mind that our professor has explicitly stated that he doesn't want us to use "big words," or try to be too eloquent. That we've act'ually been encouraged to use personal pronouns really irks me, since I've always regarded the use of them in academic writing to be unprofessional; the paper isn't supposed to be about you. I guess it only goes to show how arrogant philosophers can be.

I've never asked a professor for an extension in my life. And even if it wasn't wrong in these cases (one was extended already, due to my previous professor suffering from a stroke, and one was a term paper and thus we had a while to work on it), my pride would never allow it. So what am I doing? Seriously considering taking the prescription drugs I shouldn't have and pulling my first ever all-nighter.

My recent lack of work is only partly due to school eating my soul. (In fact, I'd say it's split about 60/40.) There is something of a lack of inspiration, but I'm also suffering from a sudden lack of self-confidence. It's not in any way unusual on my part; in fact, it happens about once a year, if not on my writing then my artwork. There is a certain psychological effect to knowing that you aren't as smart as other members of your family (for example, when my dad took his SATs all those years ago, he got  a score of1800; I got about 1100. For those of you who don't know, that's a huge difference.)

In lieu of this, I've decided to reevaluated my style of writing, and determine whether, on a whole, each aspect is good or bad.

For one thing, I've realized that what I write is very happy. It's not really that I think there are problems in the world, because there are. One of my favourite fanfic authors (I wish I could remember who it was) declared that she didn't write tragedies for the simple reason that she feels there's more than enough out there. I think I tend to agree, to some extent. Someone needs to point out the good.

I've also realized that my work is very dialogue-driven. This actually ties into the previous thing; I do like a good dark!fic from time to time, but I just can't write it. Truly good dark!fic has very heavy physical description, and somehow I just never got the hang of it. I made an attempt at one point, and I suppose it wasn't bad, but it takes so much time for me to do, and it's not just a matter of impatience: when I spend more than a day on something, I start over-analyzing, and it just gets worse from there. I write from my gut, not my head.

There is also something interesting, that says a lot about my concerns, and it's that one: I tend to write purely from canon, and two: I like writing pre-series (or, in some cases, gapfillers). I really think it has to do with the fact that I am, in all reality, a historian. I like knowing how things came to be, and am far more comfortable with that than future!fic. As for the first part, I do occasionally read AU, but it's  more for porn's sake than anything. (However, I have to admit that there is one writer who writes mostly AU, who somehow has managed to suck me into nearly everything they've written.)

In any case, I think it's time I started experimenting again, breaking free of my comfort zone, lest I completely stagnate.

I leave you with a most amazing video; in doing research for my mythology paper, I learned about onnagata, kabuki actors who specialize in playing female roles. And thus, I discovered Saotomi Taichi, who is incredibly popular, and actually quite amazing. Here is a dance he preforms on a Japanese TV show: