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18 February 2012 @ 10:08 pm
There is no silver spoon of sexual orientation!  
Before you ask, I'm not entirely sure what that title means either. However, I have an explanation:

I used to be that person that said, "Nothing surprises me anymore." After ten years in the Harry Potter fandom, not much does. Then, I discovered Fan Fiction Friday on Topless Robot, which takes the absolute worst erotic fanfic from across nearly every fandom--none of it crack--and makes fun of it. I wasn't particularly surprised at some of it. Hermione getting fucked by the sorting hat, for example. Others, though, I have been seriously tempted to call the cops, except that I have no idea who the fuck these people are; I can't even talk about it without getting chills of fear and disgust.

I honestly believe it may be some form of masochism that keeps me going back. That, or hopes that I'll get something like this week's.

It was mostly incomprehensible, and ended with some weird transexual sex that showed that, not only did the author not know how female anatomy worked, but he didn't know how men's bodies worked, either. However, partway through there was an anti-gay speech that was just so dumb, I couldn't not share it. I'm not sure what most of it means, aside from the Illuminati being involved, and a gay agenda to keep gays being gay. I've edited out interruptions...all except for an author's note partway through that was also priceless.

Sam said, "I want to yaoi with you."

Images of yaoi filled both their heads with hot man-on-man sweaty porking! Oiled and muscles and man-j-zz!

Oh, and that one. I just can't get over those lines.

"I know the real truth of this. It is an Illuminati conspiracy so we can't talk about it accept when its just us becuzse any agent of the Illuminati could go back to the Phantomhive fortress and tell them and than their demon would kill us."

Now this isn't the real truth but just part of the truth so if you readers who can't figure out that I hafta change some things in fiction to make the good story and maybe you believe Naruto is real you stupid sh-ts than you should never write reviews but you good readers who are wise and kind like Moses you know that the fiction always has to have fictional versions of real life things like putting England and France together becuze otherwise James Bond takes too long to drive and its a boring story! Just becase its in a story doesn't mean the author thinks it is real you know I have giant robots too but you know nobody realy builds them because it is against the law!

Sam said, "Now in all the schools they teach the gay conspiracy which is what homosexuals want you to think. This conspiracy tells you that you can never become homosexual, that it is born like becoming a prince or princess all high and mighty! But the truth is that everyone can become gay whenever they want! Gay should never be limited to homsexauls! It is not a birthright like the lentils, it is earned by claiming it!"

"... I tell you one more secret Sam which is the ultimate barrier does not exist! ... The ultimate barrier is what gay dudes and gay chicks say will force gays to only have s-x with gays of the same gender, no matter how much they want to pork outside there gender! And on the heterosexual side the gay agenda tells you that the ultimate barrier will prevent straight dudes and straight chicks from ever having gay s-x! ...But the truth is the opposite to this! There is no silver spoon of sexual orientation!"

"You say that love will take away these barriers and allow all dudes and chicks to have s-x with whoever they like to pork, but how can you prove it? My heart is rotten with government brainwashing!"

Sam answered, "I can use this all-spark to show you s-x that is not gay s-x and is not straight s-x. There is porking that breaks the mold so they can never mold it again! It is the fungus killing spray product in the red bottle of mold-breaking habits forever!"

...Um. Yeah. I didn't even have to read the comments by TR's mod to laugh at this. And no, I did absolutely nothing to edit the text I did put up. This idiot actually writes like that.

Besides Fan Fiction Friday, TR is a totally cool site. It's how I learned about Captain Planet about to become a movie. And I learn about video games, and am reminded of toys I had as a child, and get lots of other nerdy tidbits.

aaa_mazing: OMG!aaa_mazing on February 19th, 2012 03:31 am (UTC)
JFC! I'd laugh hard if it was a crack!fic. 'Idiot' is an understatement. Porking? Porking?!
MissTeacakes: fingerlockmissteacakes on February 19th, 2012 04:09 am (UTC)
I laughed regardless. The fact is, often it's people who are actually stupid that are funnier than those who are trying to be.

The problem is, there is no single word in the English language to describe this person. It's the point where I go Shakespearean: "Were I like thee I'd throw away myself."
tarraxtarrax on February 29th, 2012 12:11 am (UTC)
Criterion to determeny homosexual agenda is "How this informaiton can forse men love men or women love women?"
Gay-pride can not forse men love men.
Exposed woman's body CAN forse woman love woman.
Project of law can not forbid expose woman's body for woman. Project of law forbid agenda for gay rights.
Thid laws against gay, not against agenda. Agenda does not exsist.
aaa_mazingaaa_mazing on March 1st, 2012 01:04 pm (UTC)
Я тут посредником выступаю. Здрассти. Вы не могли бы изложить вышесказанное по-русски, автор не совсем понял смысл высказывания. Я постараюсь донести без потерь. Спасибо.