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19 September 2009 @ 09:29 pm
Fic: Jealousies  
Title: Jealousies
Rating: PG-13
Patroklos/Achilles, Achilles.Troilus. There are consequences for killing a certain prince. Set in the early years of the war. Contains very, very slight sexual references. If you squint and turn sideways, you can't even see them.


I know exactly what happened as soon as Patroklos backhands me. If he's mad with another man he might punch him, but not this. The first time it ever happened, and I yelled at him for it, he told me, “If you don't want me to treat you like a child, then don't act like one.” He's never done it in public, for which I am eternally grateful, but it's humiliating, nonetheless.


He's heard that I killed Troilus. It's not even that—Troilus was a Trojan, and that's what we're here for—but for the fact that it was out of anger at dismissal. Even worse that I did so in a temple. He was waiting for me when I returned to my tent.


This time I am in more of a contrary mood than usual. Normally I might glare at him as he scolded me, but this time I hit him back, throwing all my weight on him, and we're tumbling to the floor. I'm the better fighter, but that doesn't mean that Patroklos is any mean opponent, and certainly not when angry.


The brand of our grappling changes suddenly, and I am reminded why I don't accept him as a wrestling partner when exercising. He's one of the most handsome men I've ever seen. Not just that, either, he silently forces me to remember, but also because I am young; I'm certainly not the first youth to desire him, and just because he's my erastes doesn't mean I'll be the last. Not by any means.


Finally we still, both breathing hard, his head resting on my shoulder. He sits up and turns around, and I can tell that he's still angry. I can tell by the way he sits, the way his muscles flex. But more than anything, I can simply feel it. I always have been able to.


And I come to a realization.


This isn't about me killing Troilus, is it?” I ask. When he doesn't answer, I rest a hand on his. “Patroklos?”


He turns his head slightly. “I have always prided myself on my patience, and on my understanding of others.” He pauses for a moment, then says, “I am angry at you, yes. You overreacted—again—to having your pride wounded. But more than that, I'm angry at myself.” Finally he turns to look me in the eyes. “We've always agreed to be honest with one another, without fear of consequences, haven't we?”


“I have always wanted you to be.”


He pauses, deliberating. “I'm ashamed of myself. I hate that I'm so jealous over you.”


I laugh. “I love that you're so jealous over me.”


You do now, but what happens in a few years? When those bonds start feeling like restrictions, it'll hurt you, and it'll hurt me. It could ruin us.”


Is this really what it's all about? You don't care that Troilus is dead, do you?” I give an annoyed sigh. “I wish you would just tell me when you're bothered by something, instead of keeping it bottled up until you can't take it anymore.”


He smiles softly, that lovely smile that I find so wonderful. He's sweet in a way I could never be. “I wish I would, too.”


You know, you told me that one of the things you love about me is that I always say what I think all the time. You said I'm a very honest person.” We laugh at his previous understatement. “Why don't you? You have no problem with slapping me around, and I'm far more formidable of a person than a lot of others.”


Ah, but I know that you won't have me flogged for my impertinence,” he says, smiling. Then he becomes serious again. “It's not my place to tell greater men than myself what to do. The only reason I can get away with it with you is because you're my beloved.”


I sit up and move closer to him, putting my cheek on his shoulder. “You're greater than all of them. You shouldn't have to fight as a lesser captain.”


The Fates are cruel in their ways,” he says, running a hand through my hair. “But if I had never had to live in Phthia, what would have happened? Clysonymus would have grown up with me, instead of you, and perhaps he would be my beloved, and I his lover. We might never have met at all. Or if we did, would we know what we could have? No, it's better this way. I would rather lose my birthright as a prince and found you than keep it and never have known the love that we have.”


I sigh. “Either way, you should get a little angry sometimes. Defend your honour, all that.”


He laughs. “I think, Achilles, that you have a short enough temper for the both of us. And anyway, didn't you know that sometimes it hurts far more to just walk away than to strike a man?”


I sigh again and pull him down so that we're laying on the ground in the middle of the tent, simply staring up at the hide above us. We stay there for a time, running hands through each other's hair and across each other's bodies. I find it just as amazing how his touch can as chaste at one time as it is sexual at another.


Finally, I answer everything he's said. “I know.”

Notes: Um, yeah. This came out in a big spurt of inspiration. And it's not very long. But.. yay first-person present-tense! right? And I went and switched the spelling of Patroklos' name again.

Anyway, Achilles is what, seventeen here? And he never fully grows up, does he? I tried to flesh them out a little more, mostly Patroklos; as far as I'm concerned, he certainly has a darker side to his personality than his gentleness that not many people see.

See you later, instigator: Alexander & Hephaistionoudeteron on September 22nd, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC)
There's some great chemistry between them here! I like that although it's obvious they know each other, they still have moments like this when they fight over something that's not even the point. And then understand again. Nice.

The first person present tense suits this fic, too, especially at the end.

(Wrong pairing icon, I know, but hey! You can call me intertextual. XD)
MissTeacakes: riffcainmissteacakes on September 22nd, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
No relationship is perfect, right? It actually worries me when my friends are lost in this everlasting, argument-free bliss.

It's okay, I don't even have a proper one of them.
See you later, instigator: Kyo - singingoudeteron on September 22nd, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, it's no fun without the occasional debate. Only with these two a debate can get rather more physical. XD

Me neither, that's the thing.
longlivetroialonglivetroia on September 30th, 2009 03:27 am (UTC)
Like Katenator, I have been following your Achilles/Patroklos fics, especially In All But Blood (amazing stuff!), which inspired me to get an account here--I just signed up today.

This short yet moving work of yours is one of your best. The line that really caught my heart was "'Didn't you know that sometimes it hurts far more to just walk away than to strike a man?'" This story was very...tangible. Understandable. Real.

Keep it up, so I have motivation to post and continue some of my own Achilles/Patroklos stories!
MissTeacakes: ouchmissteacakes on September 30th, 2009 11:54 am (UTC)
You make me feel bad because I haven't updated it in such a long time!

I actually just got motivated again myself with my Greek history class, so hopefully I'll get some more done.
longlivetroialonglivetroia on September 30th, 2009 11:28 pm (UTC)
Yeah...after several rereadings of Achilles/Patroclus stories on here, I finally got myself to finish one of my fics in the middle of algebra class. Not exactly what you're supposed to be doing in the middle of algebra class, but...couldn't help it! I guess I'll get it up here soon, if I'm not too lazy. ")
MissTeacakes: pythonmissteacakes on October 1st, 2009 12:02 am (UTC)
I used to do that all the time. It's unfortunate that I've gotten so responsible since starting college, cause it means I write a lot less frequently.
(Deleted comment)
MissTeacakes: lowbudgetmissteacakes on September 25th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
Something's seriously wrong with the world when someone does a happy dance because they just found out they've been stalked.

I like my Patroklos to lose his temper sometimes--it makes him more human. The idea that they fight at all makes it more believable, I think.
(Anonymous) on December 31st, 2009 11:28 pm (UTC)
you know, this is a really great story ! and the context is right , this time xDD you know Patrokles and Achilles how the really were, and not like in the film where patroklos is the young (!) cousin and well, thats it ^^ your story is good written, really you ve done a great job. the characters are displayed very ( dont know the right word , im not a native speaker xDD ),m er well belivable, you see ?
well i just wantet to post a comment ( what i usually dont do) to say its good !! i really liked it ! go on like that :)